Gospel or Gamble?
by Latte De Luca
Summary: A Homestuck truth or dare! Gospel or Gamble! Secret spilling or pail filling! It's up to you.
1. Chapter 1

**Two young girls sit idly upon chairs in a sweltering back room at their school library. Not even kidding here. It just so happens that today, the 8th of March, has no relevance to either of them whatsoever. Though it was mental eons ago that they came up with the idea for this stupid parody, it is only today that it will be realized.**

**What will the name of this foolish parody be?**

**Enter Name**  
><strong>[Homestuck Truth or Dare]<strong>  
><em>You're kidding aren't you.<em>  
><em>Please god say you're kidding.<em>  
><strong>Enter More Suitable Name<strong>  
><strong>[Hivebent Gospel or Gamble]<strong>  
><em>That's somewhat better.<em>  
><em>You guess.<em>

Tapioca: Alright enough with the introductions, time to check it!  
>Latte: Hell yeah! Not that I imagine this will last more than a few seconds.<br>Tapioca: Exactly, time is of the essence. Guess we better to the magic thing.  
>Latte: Right, maybe we should just get an appearifier.<br>Tapioca: Yeah, but does that even work on fictional characters?  
>Latte: What doesn't work on fictional characters?<br>Tapioca: Aww yea!

_The two friends high five. You fail to care._

Latte: So before we go all gung ho with this, perhaps some introductions are in order?  
>Tapioca: Right! Not like they can read our names every time we speak or anything.<br>Latte: Exactly. That would never happen. *Taps fourth wall nonchalantly, it shatters. Little care was put into making it.* So I'm Latte and we're about to take you on an embarrassingly interactive adventure with the characters from Homestuck!  
>Tapioca: And I'm Tapioca, the more annoying one! (But I do more of the writing so I have more of the talent. Told you I was annoying.)<br>Latte: Don't think I can't hear that subtext.  
>Tapioca: Lets just get to the point. *flourishes arm, gesturing towards appearifier.*<br>Latte: Fine have it your way. *Turns towards you* Ready for an adventure yet?

_Her grin isn't making you any more convinced. This is not what you bargained for. Why you still clicked after seeing the title is anyone's guess._

Tapioca: Yes, without further ado! WV would you care to do the honors?

WV politely accepts the command, and with his exceptional understanding of human measurement systems, adjusts the appearifier's settings to appearify the Homestuck cast. Yes that's right, all of them.

Homestuck cast: *appears*  
>Latte: Um, hi everyone. Welcome to hell.<br>Vriska: *Steps neatly off the appearification pile, using Tavros as a step down* Would someone mind telling me what the 8ig idea is...?  
>Tapioca: Well as it so happens...<br>Nepeta: what in the name of clawbeast is this place? oh sollux you're here too?  
>Sollux: uh...ye2, everyone ii2 ii thiink, can you plea2e get off?<br>Nepeta: right! sorry about that! *ac pounces away hastily, and lowers her ears apologetically*  
>Tapioca: So what I was trying to say was...<br>Kanaya: Equius I Must Request That You Remove Yourself At Once Before My Chainsaw Gets Too Reckless  
>Equius: *STRONG jump up!* I beg your pardon, I meant not to % your path in such a 100d way<br>Tapioca: *equips megaphone* ALRIGHT PEOPLE, LESS OF YOU TALKING IN PERFECT CHARACTER AND MORE SHUTTING THE HELL UP WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

_The room falls silent._

Latte: Thank you everyone. It's great you could all be here. *coughs* Now we can explain.  
>Tapioca: Or skip to the chase and play Gospel or Gamble!<br>Karkat: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?  
>Tapioca: What is it...well it's a game where we dare each other to do random entertaining things and ask each other embarrassing questions...haven't you ever played?<br>John: oh so you mean like truth or dare?  
>Aradia: i think y0u are referring t0 secret spilling and pail filling<br>Trolls: *General commotion over the embarrassing subject*  
>Latte: *commotion is ignored* So you guys don't actually call it Gospel or Gamble? Damn, I thought that was a pretty awesome name.<br>Tapioca: Yeah, I though we were right on the mark with this troll language stuff.  
>Jake: So we will go in rounds then take turns with the exciting dares?<br>Latte: Well, actually we have a billion online friends to send in the truths and dares for us!  
>Tapioca: *whispers* Isn't that exaggerating a bit?<br>Latte: *Shoosh paps*  
>Tapioca: *Feigns swooning before returning to the point.* So like Latte, was saying, we're gonna let other people send you truths and dares, gambles and gospels, whatever.<br>Eridan: wwait just a minute, wwho in the vvast ocean are you people anywway?  
>Tapioca: *facepalm*<br>Latte: *double facepalm x2 combo*  
>Tapioca: I suppose we have to do this ALL over again. Hi, I'm your charming hostess Tapioca!<br>Latte: And I'm your even more charming hostess, Latte!

_Latte used PREVOKE as a potentially offensive move! What will Tapioca's reaction be?_

Tapioca: …  
>Tapioca: That's so true! Anyway, back to the point, we have some rules to lay down.<br>Feferi: *lets out a glub of relief. Much to the readers surprise, some characters are _still _releasing themselves from the appearification pile.* First you take us away by FORC-E, now we ) (ave to follow your fishy rules?  
>Latte: Err, well the rules aren't really being applied to you. They are for our wonderfully devout readers.<br>Feferi: 3:O ?  
>Tapioca: Yeah, so anyway, we'll just address our rules back to you. And yes I do mean <em>YOU.<em>

_You feel addressed._

Tapioca: I'll begin by saying you are in luck, your authors have no otps! Rather, they ship everything. _Everything. _  
>Latte: *whispers* <em>Everything... <em>

_You feel sufficiently told about your author's ships._

Tapioca: That said, *Voice lowers dangerously* what we don't want, is to see the same ship, over and over again, sailed till it's halfway across the universe. So please, if your pairing has been addressed..._lets wait a little while to readdress it. _Or we'll do it for you and postpone your dare to a more appropriate time! 3  
>Latte: Whew, glad you lightened up at bit at the end there Tapioca. Even I was feeling a bit nervous.<br>Tapioca: I imagine so! *smiles but evil aura remains.* Now perhaps you'd like to address the other rule concerning the rating?  
>Latte: Sure thing! So guys, this fic is rated T sooooo anyone who feels inclined to request slightly more mature dares please attempt to keep that in mind.<br>Tapioca: If we get enough interest in said M-rated dares...I might be willing to open up a separate fic. *WONKWONK*  
>Roxy: grrl you stule myv lone!<br>*stile  
>*stole<br>*line  
>Tapioca: Annddd Latte is free to join if she's not too squeamish. (Which she is!) *smirksmirk*<br>Latte: Again, I can read that subtext. And I'm sure I would, join you that is.  
>Tapioca: You just tell yourself that baby. But leaving that there...this is still a T-rated fic! Let's keep it that way, m-kay peoples?<br>Latte: That's it for the rules right?  
>Tapioca: Believe so...now what?<br>Terezi: *waves her arms up and down, reference x2 combo!*  
>Latte: I guess it's time to wrap this thing up, perhaps in a tortilla bread, unless you were thinking of something more like wrapping paper?<br>Tapioca: Naw, that's cool, taco time it is! But I don't want it to end so soon...  
>Latte: Believe me, neither do I.<br>Tapioca: *falls to the floor in agony* I thought it would last forever!  
>Homestuck cast: *watches a strange soap opera unfold with a skeptical eye*<br>Latte: *pats Tapioca on the back* Hurry up people! Send in your truths and dares! We're counting on you!  
>Tapioca: That's right! This is for Liberty! For Justice! For Reason! For MAIL! <em>For SHIPPING!<em>  
>Rose: I believe I speak for all of us when I say, this is going to be a long indefinite amount of time.<br>Latte: It may, however that will all be determined by our fans! So again send them in! We're waiting...  
>Tapioca: <em>and we'll continue to wait...<em>So long sweethearts!  
>Latte: We love ya'll!<p>

_You thoughtfully consider the author's request. I mean, it's so tempting...the review button is only a click away..._

**In the mean time we, the authors and our appearified cast, enjoy a sunset tan in which we bask in the glory of our newly created monstrosity. Care to join? **_**We've got faygo!**_  
><strong>^ u ^<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**In a bustling classroom with students engaging in various activities of dubious necessity two girls sat st desks, side by side. Engaging in an activity that some might find questionable, however to them, it was the highest from of importance. After all, what they were about to create was no mere fantasy, it was the diabolical genius know only to a selective few, known as, **_**fanfiction.**_

Latte:It is time everyone, we have received our first review. Let the fun begin.

Tapioca: And what fun it will be, our first reviewer is undoubtedly a fresh, enthusiastic and sexy fan, just like us!

Latte: This fan goes by the title Mew Mew Panda, adorable if you ask me.

Dave: pretty sick actually

Tapioca: Did I ever mention I love you?

Dave: the few who have not mentioned that are indisputably deranged

Latte: I guess I'll mention it too then! Dave, I'm flushed for you.

Dave: yea anyway let me know when the panties are off

Tapioca: So dare time, Latte, can you give me a hand? I need some help with this paste and  
>copy business.<p>

Latte: Right away, I'm glad to be of service madam. Aaaaand, the dare!

** I dare Eridan to eat sushi! MWAHAHAHA! And I dare Kanaya to go on Tumblr and**  
><strong>look at alllll of the KanayaxGamzee blogs! (cuz she's ma patron troll and I<strong>  
><strong>Fangirl over Gamzee)<strong>

Tapioca: Oooohhh I like the sound of this, but lets not get carried away. Chop chop people, I need me an Eridan!

Eridan: wwhat is it noww you glubbin landdwweller?

Latte: Why nothing more than some food, we thought you might be hungry with all this waiting and all... *Hands over plate of sushi* Here, on the house!

Eridan: wwell alright, if you're gonna insist like that...*samples some of the sushi*

Tapioca: Howw, I mean, how is it?

Eridan: *Chews thoughtfully* not half bad...bit poor for seafood but i reckon its edible...

Tapioca: Um that had fish you know...

Eridan: wwhat of it?

Latte: Don't you have any, er, compassion for your fellow sea dweller?

Eridan: wwell of course i have compassion for fef

Tapioca: But you ate fish!

Eridan: so?

Tapioca: You just bloody murdered a cuttlefish fish as it lay innocently in a seaweed wrapper, remorse immediately you heartless cod!

Feferi: -ERIDAN! ) (ow could you?

Eridan: fef, it's not that big a deal, besides it wwasn't a cuttlefish, i've had them an they taste wway than this gob

Feferi: 38(

Latte: That was not the innocently horrified reaction we were looking for.

Tapioca: Some people just disappoint and disappoint. But we have no time to lament! Oh  
>Kanaya~! *sing song voice*<p>

Kanaya: Yes What Do You Wish Me To Perform

Tapioca: Do you happen to have a computer on hand?

Kanaya: I Apologize But I Seem To Be Inadequate In That Respect

Jade: oh silly girl, everyone should have at least five computers at all times, but i'll let you borrow one of mine! ;) *hands Kanaya a pair of lunch muffs)

Kanaya: Thank You Jade I Very Much Appreciate The Gesture And Shall Aim To Have A More Suitable Amount Of Technology At My Disposal Next Time

Jade: good girl!

Latte: Alright, thanks for the handy transaction Jade but if we could redirect your attention to us we're going to need Kanaya to proceed to the following link.

Kanaya: *Proceeds to the following link, green blush ensues* What, May I Ask Is This Ridiculous Tomfoolery

Tapioca: Nothing more than a harmless dose of ship.

Kanaya: Well Perhaps You Could Brief Me On This Strange And Rather Perplexing Human Emotion Called 'Ships'

Latte: Oh it's not an emotion silly! It's just like putting two, or sometimes more people together, to 'fill pails' in words you would understand.

Tapioca: *aside to Latte* That might have been a bit harsh...

Kanaya: In Other Words All Of These Websites Are Devoted To The, 'Ship' Of Mr Makara And I

Latte: Yup! You got it! *winks*

Kanaya: If You Don't Mind I Believe I Shall Excuse Myself *Gets up and hurries away*

Tapioca: Well that went over like a lead balloon.

Latte: You said it.

Tapioca: … Well let's just move onwards then! As always, the ship must go on! (Even if the canon characters are so embarrassed they run away in a nervous flurry.)

_It is at this particular time the narration suddenly seems owed to the story and you feel compelled to view Gamzee's reaction to the scenario. Turning your attention to the youthful juggalo you find him...staring into space at the flashing colors of his 'MiRiClE mOdUs'._  
><em>What a shocker.<em>

Latte: So that about finishes this one up...shall we 'hit the road'?

Tapioca: That sounds appropriate, yeah, laterz sweeties and we'll get to the next dare...*cough*whenever we feel like it*cough*

Latte: So yeah, it'll be up tomorrow, no doubt.

Tavros: mAY i, uH, CLARIFY THE PRESENT SITUATION? aRE YOU IMPLYING THAT WE WILL BE, uH, HERE INDEFINITELY?

Tapioca: Why yes that happens to be exactly the case!

_Tavros appears somewhat disheartened but does not attempt to argue with the prodigious authoresses, he senses their willful spirits, and chooses the wiser option of going with the flow. Latte and Tapioca, likewise, do not attempt to console or compromise with the pitiful troll boy._

Latte: So we'll be seeing you! Much love, so long...

Tapioca: And thanks for all dem fish! (And dares)

**Just as you thought this story was maybe getting somewhere, it begins to fade and slip away from you like the star dust cobwebs of a fading dream, now it is a mere memory that is only substantially realized by the two PDF's it fills. The girls wave good bye and try to tell you in their last moments something that sounds like "**_**y'alls so keep sending those sweet reques-" **_**But it's cut off...and you don't really care, anyway.**  
><strong>Our love is yours<strong>  
><strong>:33<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**It's morning now, and seriously people; we have no time for the pathetic back stories of our underachieving authors! It's time to move on and get real. An underwhelmed cast engages in numerous activities of dubious merit and waits for someone to get the show running.**

Tapioca: I'm up~! *Stretches yawns and makes a big annoying show*

Latte: Good, we got dares to deal out, clap clap everyone and places!

Jane: *While mixing dough* I'm making pancakes if anyone is intereste-

Terezi: 1'LL H4V3 2! D1D 4NYON3 BR1NG GRUBS4US3?

Sollux: what the hell are pancake2

Aradia: i think she meant t0 say fried vessel gl0bs

John: wait are you using betty crocker mix? oh no ughhhhhhhh

Vriska: Joooooooohn! Did you just say that with 8 h's? You're such a sweeeeeeeetie!

John: Oh uh, than-

Gamzee: *looking at betty crocker mix* wHaT eVeN iS tHiS sTuFf? :o0

Roxy: *sureptciously tries to spije the barter*  
>*syrreptitiously<br>*spike  
>*battre<p>

Latte: That's not quite what I meant by places...

Tapioca: The batterwitch...she's taking over...*huddles in fear*

Feferi: w) (o is this algae'd batterwitc) (?

Latte: Nothing to do with you I'm sure! Now seriously people, let's get started, Tapioca, stop cowering on the floor and read the dare!

Tapioca: *Snaps back to reality* Right! This dare is from the one and only oiMonohome!

Latte: Still trying to figure that name out.

**I say start running while you still can.I have quite a lot.**

**Terezi:Who taste better GodTeir!Dave or GodTeir!Aradia?**

**Vriska:Pick a person to play 7 Minutes in Heaven with.**

**Gamzee:Do you remember when you kinda went crazy?**

**Nepeta:What do you think of the fandoms crazy shippings?**

**All:What do you think of the fandom?and the music too?**

Tapioca: Ahahaha...us? _Run? _Baby please. By the time we finished with all this, your skin will fall to the ground like a light overcoat because the rest of you went ahead and ran out of it.

Latte: What the fuck Tapioca. What the actual fuck.

Tapioca: Teh-heh! ^ u ^

Latte: Whatever lets get crackin'. Terezi!

Terezi: Y3S? :]

Latte: We need you to choose the ultimate red. Behold! *Pulls down curtain revealing masterpiece poster of God Tier Aradia*

Terezi: *Sniffs the air for a second, then, eyes go wide as she recognizes the enticing smell of crimson. She scurries over to the poster and gives it a tentative lick. Then all hope is lost and she begins slobbering over the majestic costume.* 4-4RAD14! WHY D1DN'T YOU T3LL M3 4BOUT TH1S D3LICIOUS COSTUM3?

Karkat: OH FOR GRUBBY SHIT-STAINED SAKE WILL YOU CUT IT OUT TEREZI! I'M GETTING EMBARRASSED JUST WATCHING YOU.

Aradia: i was n0t aware this c0stume was mine...

Tapioca: Yes well, we took you all out of a time that precedes any of your God Tiers...but we're not really gonna bother with hiding spoilers!

UU: are yoU sUre that is a top-notch idea? U_U

Tapioca: Not really, no!

Latte: We're not done yet! *Unveils second poster with God Tier Dave.*

John: oh dave you look like such a dork!

Dave: shut up egbert i look hells of rad

Terezi: *Sniffs again and grins wickedly* N1C3 CHO1C3 COOL K1D! *She runs over to the new poster and takes a good couple minutes to lick it as well.*

Karkat: *FACEPALM X2 COMBO!*

Tapioca: So Terezi, which one did you like better?

Latte: Yes, which red proved more delectable!

Terezi: H3H3H3...W3LL...TO BE HON3ST...

_There is a hush as the audience awaits the words of judgement. The crowd lingers on her every word. Even you're starting to get bit apprehensive._

Terezi: ...TH3Y T4ST3 3X4CTLY TH3 S4ME!

Audience: *Facepalm xInfinity Combo*

Tapioca: How disappointing.

Latte: I guess it was to be expected though...it's the exact same God Teir color...

Tapioca: No time to bemoan though right! It's Vriska's turn and boy am I ever excited about this one. ;)

Vriska: Wellllllll, what is it then?

Tapioca: It's up to you. Pick a person. In the room. Then you + them = 7 minutes in heaven!

Vriska: What...onlyyyyyyyy seven? Booooooooring...

Tapioca: Ok fine, 8! Whatever, just pick someone.

Vriska: Hmmmmmmmm...I guess I do have someone in mind...*She blushes uncharacteristically*

Latte: Well then grab them and get in yonder closet, it's not like they're allowed to resist. *She jerks a thumb at the closet*

Vriska: Yeah, yeah...*She walks forwards towards the cast and they move aside, parting like the red motherfucking sea. She doesn't stop to look at anyone but her target and when she reaches him, she grabs his hand and pulls him along with her.*

John: woah! Vriska, you sure you wanna do this, I mean, not that I don't want to but...

Vriska: *Turns around to face him again* Yeah, well, if you have to kiss someone, you'd wanna kiss someone that's cool right?

John: no, you'd wanna kiss someone you really like, riiiiiiiight? :B

Vriska: Yeah...well maybe what I'm trying to say is...

Latte: Just go talk it out in the closet lovebirds.

Tapioca: Fuck you two are cute. I think she has a thing for windy boys.

Latte: You might be right about that...

Tapioca: I'm always right, except when I'm wrong. Next dare?

Latte: Yeah sure. Gamzee's turn.

Tapioca: Sup my miraculous patron?

Gamzee: nOt ToO mOtHeRfUcKiNg MuCh, WhAt CaN i Do YoU fOr?

Latte: Well our magnificent and magnanimous reviewer is curious if you recall going...er...sober?

Gamzee: hOnK.

Tapioca: Alright people run for cover this is not a drill, I repeat this is not a-

Gamzee: wOaH cHiLl LiTtLe GrUbLiNg I wAs JuSt TaKiNg AlL mY tImE tO uP aNd ThInK...

Tapioca: False alarm!

Gamzee: i CaN't ReAlLy ThInK tO rEcAlL sUcH a TiMe ThAt ThE sOpOr aNd I wOuLd NoT bE rElaTiVeLy AqUaInTeD, iS tHeRe SoMe SoRt Of ChAnGe To OcCuR wHeN i'M nOt FlYiNg WiTh ThE pIe?

Latte: You could say that.

Gamzee: hUh :o)

Tapioca: Let's just say interview over, this is a capricious gamble. *Shaking slightly*

Latte: Yeah...ok Nepeta you're turn!

Nepeta: purrfect i was waiting furr my special chance! :33

Tapioca: *Cuddles Nepeta* Soooo...we're wondering what you think of the fandom's ships...I suggest you check this out for some ideas~! *Clicks link for Nepeta*

Napeta: w-what is all this! *ac blushes but can't stop her curious paws from scrolling a little furrther*

Tapioca: This is a place where the fandom collects it's various ships for you all. Some of us are very good in our fanworks, as you can see!

Nepeta: oh but this pairing is just plain silly *ac giggles at a few of the nonsensical matches made*

Tapioca: What do you think though...are we doing good? Do we have a lot of nice ships?

Nepeta: well...i think a lot are just purrposterous, but that usually makes it more fun so you're doing quite well! but careful, i suspect you're having one too many a shipping war and thats not fun furr anyone. *ac gazes at fandom sternly*

Latte: That's right, follow the path of the pacifist and ship everything!

Tapioca: By the way...I think the eight minutes are up...John, Vriska, interspecies make out time is done now!

John: haha, it's not like we were really making out or anything though.

Vriska: Right, it was just a simple feeeeeeeelings jam :::;)

_They say this but your careful eye detects a slight change in their demeanor to one another, is it the lingering feelings of understanding they share that makes you doubt their explanation, or smidge of blue lingering at the corner of John's mouth?_

Latte: Suuure. So anyway though, I think you all should check out your fandom, see what you think, we want some reactions.

Tapioca: Here, have a few more links!  
>*insert epic links here*<p>

Feferi: O) ( my glub...

Sollux: thii2 2hiit ii2 nothiing new.

Kanaya: I Find Some Of This To Be Rather Charming Actually What Do You Think Rose

Rose: I don't believe I'm viewing the same innocence you are Kanaya, actually I'm a little appalled by some of what I'm seeing.

Equius: This...this is e%ceptionally inappropriate. *Rubs his temples*

Nepeta: i got you a stack of towels, i think you'll n33d them pretty soon!

Gamzee: *Looking at his God Tier* tHiS iS mOtHeRfUcKiN bItChTiTs!

Tavros: *Looking at 4Chords* uH,,,iS THIS REALLY ACCURATE,,,

Aradia: 0_0

Jade: john, are you gonna look at some of this stuff too? it's actually pretty fun!

John: well, I kinda lost my computer again so...

Jade: ugh, what have i told you about being prepared! well just come look with me then.

_The ecto-siblings then go on to find three years comic by pancakestein. Not awkward. Not at all._

Dirk: Hey Bro what's cooking on your screen. *Looks over onto Dave's screen*

Dave: not much bro pretty fucking boring if you ask me *closes Stridercest tag quickly*

Eridan: wwait wwhy does evveryone got to be thinkin i'm such a loner?

Jane: I know how you feel. *glum face*

Roxy: jaeney youere not aleone yoiu habe me!  
>*janey<br>*youre  
>*aleon<p>

Jane: *Starts crying and leaves the room leaving Roxy befuddled*

Roxy: what'd i do thisd timr  
>*time<p>

UU: perhaps yoU shoUld reread yoUr text edits sUgar...

Roxy: ohg shit! *She runs after Jane to console her*

uu: THIS IS STuPID. YOu'RE ALL STuPID.

Terezi: H3H3H3...YOU GUYS M4K3 SOM3 N1CE SC4L3M4T3S!

Vriska: Is that supposed to 8e cosplay of me? I guess it's kind of cute even if I'm waaaaaaaay hotter than that!

Karkat: WHAT IN THE NOOKS OF PARADOX SPACE AM I READING HERE? THIS IS WHY I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND YOU FUCKING PINK WRIGGLERS! WHAT KIND OF TRAUMA DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO GO THROUGH TO COME UP WITH THIS SICK DRIZZLE?

Latte: Andrew Hussie.

Tapioca: It's more traumatic than you know.

Karkat: WHO EVEN IS THAT?

Tapioca: God. By the way, he's been holing up in that corner over there with Ms. Paint since the story began.

Latte: I'm slightly scared to go over there... I don't even know what I'd say.

Tapioca: I know it's intimidating even from here. His brilliance and heartlessness sort of out weight each other.

Latte: Anyways it is again time to say our goodbyes.

Tapioca: Yes, precious time is a-wasting!

Latte: Chapters wait to be written!

**You assume more chapters are now on their way, in doing so you also realize how much you are also assuming that these authoresses are in some way responsible. You decide to let your brain shut up before you stop reading this altogether. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A cool wind traverses the unfamiliar destination of an empty room making the feeling of desolation complete. Perhaps the room was once home to a pair of geniuses seeking outlets for their limitless creativity. Alas, not only is this unlikely, the room seems to have been abandoned for eons.**

Latte: We're back!

Tapioca: We didn't update for like, days, does anyone still remember us?

Latte: Uh oh...what if they don't care anymore? How can we prove the we still-

Kanaya: Would Someone Care To Remind Me Why We Are Currently Engaged In The Purchasing Of Movies Revolving Around A Specific Actor So As To Deduct Fees From Our Comrades

John: it's the game Kanaya, that's how you play. don't you guys have some sort of monopoly on your troll planet or whatever?

Aradia: we refer t0 this activity as 'subtly implemented tyranny'. usually.

Feferi: Aww Rose I wanted to buy CITY OF ANG-ELS!

Rose: My sincerest apologies. It just went so nicely with the theme I've been collecting.

Sollux: why are we even playiing thii2 alchmiized ver2iion of the game anyway?

Eridan: i wwas wwonderin that too, this vversion is just culling me.

Jake: This is bloody preposterous the game is twice what it was once can't you see?

John: yeah, I think Vriska's idea to alchemize the monopoly game with her nic cage poster was one of the best combinations yet!

Jade: i think you guys watch too many movies... :(

Terezi: H3H3H3! T1M3 TO P4Y UP D4V3!

Dave: shit how do i always land on ghost rider

Terezi: 1 BOUGHT 1T KNOW1NG 1T'D B3 1R1S1T4BL3 TO YOU :]

Tavros: oK, i, uH THINK i GOT YOU THIS TIME, }:) tHAT WILL COME TO 500 BOONDOLLARS,,,

Vriska: Reeeeeeeeally? Oh noooooooo...Except w8. The movie theater you built fell on my unsuspecting piece! Don't you think that's just a hoooooooorible offence?

Tavros: uH, WHAT? bUT THE THEATER DIDN'T EVEN ACTUALLY MOVE YOU JUST,,,

Vriska: What an awful thing to do! I think I'll have to take compens8tion!

Tavros: wAIT, BUT, uH,,,

_Too late, her dusky fingertips have already grasped 1000 boondollars from the troll boy's savings. Your heart dies a little as you watch the injustice...again._

Nepeta: oh nooo! i'm afurraid i have to go to jail...

Equius: No, don't be f001ish, you have merely misplaced yourself by entering the visitor's area. Simply % through you'll be fine.

Nepeta: oh...i s33! well, as long as i'm here, hi karkitty! :33

Karkat: WHY THE RAGING FUCK AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WENT TO JAIL?

_General commotion ensues. It sort of reminds of what would happen if the Homestuck cast started playing a domination game that was alchemized to be more fun and less boring. _  
><em>Almost.<em>

Tapioca: Alright, alright alright, enough of you guys! This is OUR time!

Latte: Exactly, who even said you could do anything while we were gone.

Andrew Hussie: *raises hand*

Tapioca: …

Latte: In that case...good one.

Tapioca: But now we gotta get down to business! Let us announce the sacred dare!

Latte: Indeed, it's from our very own Mattie Williams!

Tapioca: Don'tsaywhodon'tsaywhodon'tsaywhodon'tsaywho

Latte: Wait sorry, it's from Millennial Shatterstream.

Tapioca: MATTHIEU WHY DID YOU BETRAY ME?

**Oh, I've been waiting for something like this *evil chuckle***

**Beautiful day for ships, is it not?**

**I'm assuming you took ALL of the HS characters out, so...**

**Jack: Show Vriska your stabs! hard!**

**Vriska: Get stabbed by an all-to-willing Jack**

**Tavros: Slap bleeding Vriska. Hard.**

**Gamzee: go Sober! for the rest of the chapter, but by the powers of fangirls you cannot maim/seriously injure/kill anyone**

**Vriska: Kiss Aradia (because this wouldn't be good without hot makeouts)**

**Roxy: Be sober with Gamzee. Same rules apply**

**I HAVE FLUSH FOR YOU BOTH, AUTHORS, FOR DOING THIS. MAY DOC SCRATCH BLESS YOU BOTH.**

**peace off.**

Latte: While Tapioca dematerializes in the corner, lets just get started. (She'll be back in a second, trust me.) Jack?

Jack Noir: *Appears behind her with a knife/sword at her throat*

Latte: Yeah that's nice, we'll get you anger management classes when hell freezes over and in the mean time you're actually allowed to go stab people. Especially Vriska, apparently.

Jack Noir: *Eagarly bounds away*

Latte: No killing anyone!

Tapioca: *Claps hand on Latte's shoulder* Great job, I think he really took the no killing people thing to heart.

Latte: Yes well, glad to see your sarcasm's still intact. When all else fails at least you can rely on lying ironically to get everyone's goats.

Tapioca: But that's just the thing. I already have. Them, I mean. The goats. Which reminds me, Dave weren't you gonna bleat like a goat ironically?

Dave: yeah well-

Jane: It may have escaped your 'vigilant' watch, but that psychopath has kind of started going...psycho.

_Indeed, Jack has finished lightly scaring just about everyone in the room. Except Dad. That guy is fucking untouchable. Except when he's on a date. _

Latte: Guess we better go into hero mode.

Tapioca: Pretty much. Lets roll!

_They jump into action using creative narration to evacuate most of the characters from the scene. It is very creative. You are in awe._

Vriska: Ugh...this guy is soooooooo annoying! *She clutches at her wounded leg*

Jack Noir: *Darts forward to attack her, it looks like he's going for the neck*

Latte: *Bulgeblock x3* Lights out boy.

Tapioca: Kay Tav, we be needing you.

Tavros: wHAT FOR?

Latte: Nothing. You just need to slap her.

Tapioca: Hard.

Tavros: aRE YOU, uH, sURE THIS IS ADVISABLE?

Latte: Hell no, but a dare is a dare.

Tapioca: Besides! Aren't you mad at her for all the cheating she pulled on you in that game?

Tavros: wELL, ACTUALLY i GUESS i KIND OF GOT ADJUSTED TO BEING WITHOUT THE USE OF MY LEGS SO,,,

Tapioca: Not that grubslime, the game today!

Tavros: oH, UH,,,

Tapioca: Little help?

Latte: Here. *Takes Tavros's hand, slaps it across Vriska's face. Hard. She seems relatively unfazed, perhaps a bit irritated.*

Tapioca: Alright, enough with the violence! A~ra~di~a!

Aradia: yes

Tapioca: Would you mind kissing the princess? *Gestures to Vriska*

Aradia: I guess n0t

_She walks calmly over and lifts Vriska's head slightly with a firm grip. Then she lowers her head and their lips meet, a gesture resembling a warlike dance. As tongues flick neatly behind concealed walls of gray tissue. _  
><em>And it is seriously hot.<em>

Latte: Sweet. Next! Gamzee, it seems.

Gamzee: sHiT wHaT's AlL uP aNd HaPpEnInG?

Tapioca: Well, we're gonna have to get creative here. Mind leaning down so I can whisper a spell?

Gamzee: sUrE sIs I'm AlWaYs Up AnD rEaDy FoR nEw MiRiClEs *He leans down so Tapioca can whisper some phrases into his ear*

_Tapioca finishes her words and steps back. Gamzee stands there, as if frozen for a minute. Then he looks up. A childish smile isn't gracing his face anymore. His eyes are orange with the rage of a subjugglator._

Gamzee. WHAT. did you. JUST SAY MOTHERFUCKER?

Tapioca: Yeah anyway, your turn.

Latte: What did you say?

Tapioca: What else, icp lyrics.

Latte: Ah. Well, I'll go awake this one. *She walks over to where Roxy is sleeping, and has been sleeping for the past day after passing out. Latte promptly locks away all the alcohol knowing Roxy will awake with a massive hangover going a bit beyond 'cranky'.*

Dirk: You sure about this.

Latte: Not really, no.

Tapioca: But what the fuck ever! *Jostles Roxy awake*

Roxy: *blinks an eye open lazily.* whaaaaaaat

Latte: *watches intently* Err, hey there Roxy? Feeling alright?

Roxy: not really actually...

Tapioca: She's not misspelling, this is bad.

Roxy: *Rummages around for alcohol.* where did you put it

Latte: What on earth are you talking about...

Roxy: my jack daniels...tell me...where. did. you. take him?

Tapioca: Uh, the story is, he's gone and you're going to be sober now.

Roxy: you wouldnt like me sober

Gamzee: that's really motherfucking funny. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I TOLD MOTHERFUCKING EVERYBODY ELSE.

Roxy: oh reeeeeeaaaalllyyyyy? hehehe

Gamzee: heheh. HEHEH. honk. HONK.

_There is like a dark motherfucking aura around the two of them, it's swirling black tendrils catch you and suck you into the dark carnival for a taste of cotton candy. You are not put off by the author's inability to write._

Latte: Shall we take our leave about now? There's a bomb shelter somewhere near infinitely far away.

Tapioca: Yup, lets go kids, we're getting a new home!

Karkat: WHY IN TAINT CHAFING FUCK DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?

Tapioca: It's hard be an author. One day you'll never understand. Alright, better close up!

Latte: Right! Our love to the reviewers and readers!

Tapioca: We're collecting your flush in this endless box! Donations are greatly appreciated, thanks to Shatterstream for the generous red rom! We'll take kismesism and moirailgence als-

Latte: Wait, wait, wait, that sounds really selfish.

Feferi: AND COND-ESC-ENDING! 38(

Tapioca: But...*holds endless box dejectedly.*

Latte: Next time we don't mention the box, kay?

Tapioca: Right...

Latte: With that, see you next time! And trust me we're so flushed for you too! ;)

**It's a happy ending with the cast fleeing from their insane comrades and discovering the meaning of friendship.**  
><strong>Never take away what they love.<strong>  
><strong>Good luck and catch ya next time!<strong>  
><strong>:o)<strong> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Never expect a pair of rambunctious authors to measure up when it comes to keeping a steady pace at writing. Gonna just go ahead and say it ain't happening. Give them a little credit though, the stuff they write is friggin' brilliant, amiright? You might as well accept your fate. Up and at em then, you have dares to be writing!**  
><strong>Trolling aside though, this is in fact the next chapter and yes the cast <strong>_**is **_**in fact up to the usual shenanigans.**

Jade: 12...13...14...15...16...

Latte: Wait, where is everyone?

Tapioca: What are you talking about, Jade's right there.

Jade: 19...20...21...

Latte: Yeah I know, I mean everyone else.

Tapioca: Oh right. Them.

Latte: Yes. _Them._

Jade: 28...29...30! ready or not, i'm setting bec on you! :D

Tapioca: Ohhhh...they're playing ensconce and go explore.

Aradia: ensc0ncing in the caverns thr0es.

Tapioca: I was super close-wait you call it _what again?_

Jade: found you aradia!

Latte: Hmm, we should try and find the rest of them.

Jade: i see you kanaya!

Kanaya: How Odd I Was Certain My Clothes Camouflaged With the Drapes Quite Perfectly

Tapioca: Um, your face didn't though...

Jade: sollux, you're not even trying! :(

Sollux: web 2urfiing, dgaf.

Latte: Wait a minute...

Jade: eridan? you could have hidden somewhere_ no_t under your cape right?

Eridan: yeah. i could'vve. IF SOMEONE WWOULD FUCKIN LET ME HIDE WWITH THEM!

Tapioca: What is it?

Jade: i can hear you guys giggling, might as well come out.

Terezi: H4H4H4! YOU FOUND US, NOW WH4T?

Dave: thats it. game over. we dead shit lost.

Karkat: SWEET ALMIGHTY FUCK, HARLEY THIS IS PERHAPS THE SOLE ACT OF MERCY YOU HAVE CARED TO OFFER UPON ME. PERHAPS I SHOULD PULL OUT MY SACRED ROBES AND PERFORM AN DANCE TO SYMBOLIZE BOTH MY INCOMPETENCE AND GRATITUDE TOWARDS YOU.

Jade: not necessary fuckwad. :/

Latte: Something isn't right...

John: are we already done playing?

Jake: Quiet you snoggled hornwash we've got a whopping chance at winning this thing!

Tapioca: Huh...really?

Vriska: Ughhhhhhhh...lets play something cool next time, i'm sick of not moving!

Jade: hey! i could have found you all myself!

Rose: Sorry. It does get a little stiff staying in the same position for so long though.

Jane: Hoo hoo! We're all giving up then? :B

Roxy: apearesntly.  
>*apearamtly<p>

Dirk: This was pretty much totally inevitable though. They never would of found us. Hiding in the attic crawlspace was pretty much too rad.

Jade: huh...looks like petty much everyone's out of the closet. oh well, next time i guess!

Kanaya: Wait I Believe Someone Is Not Present

Jade: ?

Latte: This isn't right...

Kanaya: If I'm Not Mistaken Our Tall Indigo-Hued Friend Is Missing

_…_  
><em>Oh shit.<em>

Nepeta: hmm...where might purrson like that be hiding?

Tavros: uH,nOT MY DIVISION,,,

_Everyone slowly turns their attention towards Karkat._

Karkat: WHAT? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW WHERE HE IS?

Everyone: …

Karkat: LISTEN I DON'T KNOW OK, THE GUY WAS ALWAYS PRETTY GOOD AT HIDING, GOD KNOWS WHY.

Everyone: …

Latte: THAT'S RIGHT!

Tapioca: What is it?  
>Latte: I forgot to tell everyone to shut up. EVERYONE SHUT UP!<p>

Kanaya: Someone Is Missing Though Perhaps We Should Search Before He Does Something Unfavorable *She makes an expression of disgust and readies chainsaw.*

Tapioca: Why don't we...just calm down! *Set's hand on Kanaya's shoulder. Has to tip toe to reach.*

Latte: More importantly than shenanigans are the dares we have to get through!

Tapioca: Precisely! Let's see...who is this one from? *Empties the review box unceremoniously*

Latte: *Picks up the 4th dare.* It appears to be from our good friend emberwing13.

Tapioca: Definitely fire nation. Definitely.

Latte: Just read the dare.

***This looks like it'll be an interesting read!8D CAN'T WAIT FOR CHAPTER 2!***

**Soooooo.**

**Shipping..?**

**Eridan..**

**Aradia..**

**KEESE.**

***PFFFFT HOW DO I TYPE?***

**So yeah.I dare Aradia and Eridan to like...4 seconds.**

**SOUNDS GOOD,,someone should wear a coffee filter stuff there.**

**KBAI.(XD i feel so awkward)**

Tapioca: Shipping? _Unusual shipping? _**Me gusta.**

Latte: Frankly, I agree. Awards. All of them. This dare is perfect. Let's make haste!

Tapioca: Aradia?

Aradia: yes and n0

Tapioca: I didn't even tell you the dare.

Latte: Suck it up and kiss the fish boy.

Aradia: …

Tapioca: Perhaps we should try a gentler approach...?

Latte: Can we bribe her?

Tapioca: It's a thought...or we could just make Eridan initiate it.

Latte: That sounds easier, we'll try it.

Tapioca: Hey fish face!

Eridan wwhat, don't address me like that i'm fuckin royalty you knoww.

Tapioca: I meant it in a nice way. But right now we need you to kiss our little sweetheart.

Eridan: i...i got to wwhat now?

Latte: *holding onto a clearly irritated Aradia.* Be quick! *She lets go as Eridan draws closer.*

_Feeling the pressure, and not entirely displeased with the idea, Eridan hurries to catch her lips, and tentatively, carefully, circle his arms around her. It's quick, not allowing for more than a few seconds, and they pull back quickly like magnets of the same pole. But the flush won't leave his cheeks for a few minutes more, and as she darts away; she's afraid she can hear her heart beat. _

Tapioca: *teary eyed* This is it. This is what dares are all about!

Latte: *In reverence* Yes, this is perfect! Just a sweet kiss between characters not canonly related at all and...wait what's that on your head?

Tapioca: Uh, what's that on _your_ head?

_Both instinctively reach and pull at the new ornament adorning their crowns. _

Latte: A coffee...

Tapioca: Filter?

Latte: *Eyes light up, and she whispers* It's a coffee filter... hat...

Tapioca: *Gently removes the filter, she holds it and stares lovingly at it*

Latte: *Removes hers as well and begins to pet it*

Tapioca: There-

Latte: Are-

Tapioca: No-

Latte: Words...

_While the authoresses stare at their newly found treasures WV is hard at work, he runs about the room placing these new fashion statements on just about everyone's heads. You almost wish you could wear one as well. Almost. _

Tapioca: *Snaps out of her stupor* Right this is no time to be admiring even the loveliest of hats! There's work to be done!

Latte: *Looks up* Right-o Captain! There be hats to place!

_Without farther ado both girls grab a small stack of coffee filters and race around the room throwing them about like a couple of complete retards. A few minutes later they even begin to sing, it's the worst thing you've ever heard and you waste no time in blocking your ears. However the song seems to seep around you like a cold fog, you shudder involuntarily. Finally after what seems like an eternity the authors, as if reacting to some unseen signal flop to the floor in exhaustion. You uncover your ears in relief. Sadly the cast hasn't faired as well as you, they clearly hadn't covered their ears in time._

Latte: Well that was fun now wasn't it?

Tapioca: Yeah, who knew coffee filter hats were so cool!

Latte: *Sits up* What do you think guys?

_ The room is silent, a tumbleweed blows past on an unseen breath of wind. The cast all appear to be asleep, though more still... Almost as if they were..._

Tapioca: Latte... Have we... Have we...

Latte: No it couldn't be...

Tapioca: *Jumps to her feet* Alright everyone get up this minute! Stop pretending! We can see right through this little trick!

Latte:*Grabs Tapioca's sleeve* What... What if they're really not pretending? *Voice trembles as she whispers* What will we tell Hussie?

Tapioca: *Glances over to the corner where Hussie normally resides* Latte... He's, he's, gone...

_The two friends turn to each other their eyes wide with fear. You feel just a tad bit bad for them, only a little though. _

Tapioca: *Eyes suddenly light up with something that can only be described as pure fangirl intuition* Wait! Latte, we've forgotten!

Latte: What? *She looks a little more hopeful*

Tapioca: *Spreads her arms out for dramatic effect, incidentally she manages to hit the fourth wall with one hand, it shatters* This, this is a fanfiction!

Latte: *Eyes widen as the realization hits her* That means!

Tapioca: Yup! *She does a quick twirl* Alright, no one's dead anymore!

Latte: *Joins the spinning* Nope not a single dead body in this room!

_Surprisingly this actually works! Wait surprisingly? What were you expecting, certainly not that everyone remains dead, and Andrew Hussie kills the authors causing the end of the fanfic! What do you take the authors for? Lazy idiots who never update? Yeah right, they would never do anything of the sort!_

Tapioca: Welcome back everyone!

Nepeta: *ac cocks her head confused* wait, did we go somewhere?

Latte: No! What Tapioca meant was... was...

Tapioca: I'm just practicing my lines for the next chapter! That's all! Don't mind me!

Latte: Yup that's it! Even us bright authoresses have to practice lines sometimes! You didn't think we made everything up on the spot did you?

Tapioca: *Laughs nervously*

_Nepeta appears satisfied with this explanation, either that or she just didn't really care. However a few others raise their eyebrows is suspicion. _

Latte: Well I don't know about you Tapioca, but i think this chapter has dragged on a bit too long.

Tapioca: You are absolutely right Latte! It really has gotten late now hasn't it!

Latte: Yup it's practically time for dinner!

Tapioca: Yes we have some mighty good curry to make right about now!

Latte:Well, see ya'll in the next chappie!

_The authors make their very dramatic and nervous exit. However it takes only a minute for them to run back on. _

Tapioca: Wait, we forgot the most important ritual!

Latte: God forbid we ever forget to ask for more work! 

Tapioca: That's right guys you know that this is!

Latte: Keep sending in those truths and dares as if we don't have a bunch to write already!

Tapioca: We love ya'lls!

_And just like that the chapter ends before Latte can say another cliched line. You then realize that you have just spent several minutes of your precious life reading this garbage. Again... _


	6. Chapter 6

**You've stumbled upon what appears to be the clubroom for useless do-nothings, that, or the remnants of a failed birthday party with no species discrimination. Literally none whatsoever. And you try not to care. But, you fail. You nearly forgot this running gag even existed. But somehow you couldn't help but come back to read it.**

Tapioca: Is someone really going to come back to read this?

Latte: I don't think so, who would remember authors that only published three successful chapters?

Tapioca: Hmm...I guess this means...we're...

Latte: We are finally...

Tapioca: At long last...

Latte and Tapioca: FREE!

Sollux: who iinviited the douchnozzels to poker niight thii2 tiime

Tavros: uH,,NOT i

Kanaya: I Did Not Grant The Permission

Equius: I certainly do not approve of their behoovior, pardon me, behavior.

Nepeta: karkitty do you have any thr33s? :33

Karkat: THIS IS FUCKING POKER NEPETA, NOT GO FISH!

Terezi: K4RKL3S, 1'M B3TT1NG 4LL MY MONOPOLY ON TH1S ON3!

Karkat: AGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGH

Vriska: Aaaaaaaall of it? :::;)

Terezi: M4YB3 :]

Latte: So, do we get to play?  
>Tapioca: Yeah, can we play guys?<p>

Gamzee: SuRe MoThErFuCkErS, lEt Me DeAl YoU iN

Karkat: DON'T LET THEM JOIN IN IDIOT. THEY'LL RUIN THE WHOLE FUCKING GAME.

Latte: *Pouting* Oh come on nubbins, let us play!

Terezi: H33 H33 NUBB1NS! 1 L1K3 TH4T ON3!

Karkat: SHUT YOUR STUPID SPEAK HOLES BOTH OF YOU

Needless to say you watch as this stupid argument progresses, with the highest degree of boredom. However it would appear that the authoresses, once so confident in their apparent freedom are growing ever more uncomfortable under your hardened stare. Even now as you read these words they seem more and more restless.

Tapioca: *Poking Latte's arm* Do you feel... I dunno, uneasy?

Latte: You feel it too?

Tapioca: What do you think it is?

Latte: Well I'm not actually sure but I have an idea...

Tapioca: Oh no.

Latte: Yes I'm afraid it is.

Tapioca: Rats, I really thought we were free.

Latte: It seems we will never be free of it, not matter how much we try.

Tapioca: I suppose not. The sickening cage of Responsibility will forever haunt us.

Latte: And with that, let's get back to work.

Tapioca: It looks like the next dare was sent by someone who want's to join us...

Latte: Was it now...

Tapioca: It's too bad that we are the only hosts of this show... story... thing...

Latte: Yup, just you and me Tapioca! Sailing this ship together!

Tapioca: Well she did send a truth too so I think it's only fair that we ask the question.

Latte: That's right, Sollux! Come here for a moment!

Sollux: what the hell do you guy2 want now?

Tapioca: Don't be like that, we only have one harmless truth for you.

Latte: Aaaaaaaand the question is...

Tapioca: Who are you red for? *she shakes her head* Personally this is a little bit rude. .

Sollux: do ii even have to take thii2 2hiit, who even would a2k that.

Latte: She's a paradox. But that isn't the point. Just answer the question so we can move on already.

Sollux: ii don't have tiime for any of thii2 red crap anymore. the quadrant2 empty and that2 how ii fuckiing want iit.

You then realize that an entire chapter was wasted on a single truth. This was literally a complete waste of time.

Tapioca: So in case it wasn't clear up there, we will not be accepting other members/characters alright!

Latte: If you want to be a special guest for one chapter... well that's another story. However we won't accept just anyone. Only if its like you birthday or something.

Tapioca: That being said we have _a ton _of work to do, so...

Latte&Tapioca: We love ya'll! See you next time!

**The scene you were so involved with dissolves anticlimactically back into real life. Updates are so sporadic, you're not sure when you'll be able to come back to these scenes of utterly not-real life. Perhaps you should get a life. **


	7. Chapter 7

**The sound of thunder and the flash of lightning meet your senses as you walk slowly up the dirt path and through an iron gate. Rain pours down upon you, soaking you to the bone. With another blinding flash a giant gothic castle is illuminated at the top of the path ahead of you. It has turrets and gargoyles and spires and is the most terrifying thing you've ever seen. **

Dave: this movie is so lame all the effects look like they were made by a couple of two year olds

Karkat: SHUT UP, THIS IS WHEN SHE SEES THE GUY FOR THE FIRST TIME

John: you do realize that she ends up dying right?

Karkat: WHAT, NO THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING ROMANCE

John: it is, which make it sadder when the girl dies at the end.

Vriska: Can you guys all shut up, I can't even hear the m8vie anymore!

Latte: *Casually pauses movie* As riveting as this entertainment is...

Tapioca: We have a lot to do, so maybe you would consider taking a break so we can get some work done?

All: *Sigh loudly*

Latte: Don't be like that! We've got a lovely set of new dares from the equally lovely toxicMonochrome!

Tapioca: On second thought you should really just let me do complementing.

Latte: Why? I thought that was good!

Tapioca: Honey, you've got a long way to go.

Latte: What's that supposed to mean!

Tapioca: So here's the next set of dares!

**THERE-ff why you mess up name?Anyway,here's more trauma!**

**Karkat:Go on ANY anime website and praise 4Kids.**

**Dave:What do think of HS albums sick beats?**

**Everyone with glasses:Trade them with someone else's glasses.**

**Trolls:Somehow trade horns.**

**Gamzee:Put sopor slime in everone's food.**

**Authoresses(?):Kiss EridanB) **

Latte: Yay! Look we got a dare too!

Tapioca: I don't know whether to be happy, or scared.

Latte: Well first things first, Karkat! *Whispers to Tapioca* So I looked this up on wiki and apparently it's some kind of anime dubbing production company that went bankrupt in 2011 and was filed with a lawsuit for like racism or something.

Tapioca: Oh, okay. Sooooooooo KK here just has to watch an anime dubbed by them and... praise it...?

Latte: I guess *shrugs*

Karkat: WHAT SORT OF MENTALLY RETARDED THING ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME DO NOW?

Tapioca: Oh just relax, all you have to do is watch this *pulls up pokemon on computer* And say something nice about it!

Karkat: OH WELL THAT'S REALLY FUCKING SIMPLE. SO WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL?

Latte: Then just praise it anyway.

_Pokemon plays and you're not really sure what you think of it but that isn't the point. The point was what Karkat thought of it. The ending theme song plays and everyone turns to Karkat, waiting. _

Karkat: THAT WAS ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN. OH LETS ALL FIGHT BATTLES WITH LITTLE ANIMALS AND THEN IT WILL SURPRISE US WHEN THEY DON'T LIKE US OR FOLLOW OUR ORDERS. COME ON HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT DO YOU EVEN NEED TO BE TO LIKE A SHOW LIKE THIS.

Tapioca: That's all fine and dandy Karkat, but you need to _praise _it.

Karkat: SCREW THAT *He stomps off*

_A few moments later you can hear him humming the theme song quietly to himself. _

Latte: I guess that sort of counts.

Tapioca: Sure.

Latte: Dave!

Dave: sup

Tapioca: We have a question for you!

Latte: And don't worry because it's not even weird or creepy.

Dave: well thats new

Tapioca: Really? Anyway the question!

Latte: What do you think of Homestuck's 'Sick Beats?'

Dave: homestuck? is this like a trick question or something?

Tapioca: I suppose we forgot to consider that you wouldn't know what that was...

Latte: Oh, no matter! I'll just play some on this stereo here. *Colours and Mayhem proceeds to play on a giant stereo system*

_A few songs later... _

Tapioca: So what do you think?

Dave: its pretty rad *he shrugs* i could do better

Latte: What did you expect from the cool kid?

Tapioca: Just that.

Latte: Well don't go anywhere, we need you for this next dare!

Dave: great two in a row

Tapioca: *Grabs megaphone* WOULD ANYONE IN THE POSSESSION OF GLASSES PLEASE REPORT!

Latte: Don't you mean 'with the possession of glasses'? What you said made it sound like they were being possessed by glasses...

Tapioca: You never know.

_All with glasses report somewhat less than promptly. These being John, Eridan, Sollux, Terezi, Vriska, Jane, Jake, Dirk, and Aranea. _

Latte: I think that's everyone...

Tapioca: So now if you would all just stand in a circle.

_The characters proceed into a circle. _

Latte: Great now just trade glasses with the person on your left!

_Kids and trolls alike grumble, but do it anyway. The Striders in particular have a very hard time parting with their shades, but in the end they just go along with it because it's easier that way. The order goes something like this; _

_John puts on Dirk's Glasses_

_Eridan puts on John's glasses _

_Sollux puts on Jane's glasses _

_Terezi puts on on Jake's glasses _

_Vriska puts on Dave's glasses _

_Jane puts on Terezi's glasses _

_Jake puts on Aranea's glasses _

_Dirk puts on Vriska's glasses _

_Aranea puts on Sollux's glasses _

_Dave puts on Eridan's glasses _

John: am I anime yet? 

Dirk: Not even close, little Jake dude.

Dave: jegus how do you even see with these things

Eridan: wwell excuse you those glasses are fuckin priceless

Meenah: scuze you all waterboat the rest of us finer fish dwellers

Feferi: Y-EA) (! Why aren't we inkluded in this shell-dig?

Tapioca: Um...because goggles don't count?

Meenah: you lame or somefin? *Holds up trident menacingly*

Latte: Well, moving right along to the next dare...

Tapioca: So I think we'll need some sopor slime in the food...wait where is the miracle man anyway?

Latte: Dunno, kinda lost track of everyone without glasses.

Jane: Come along chums, it's dinner time!

Tapioca: What time is it anyway? Do we even have any time in this anti-reality alternate dimension?

Latte: I guess. We sort of don't have any setting, as far as the readers know we're floating around in white space without distinct appearances.

Jane: Hurrrrry up! The spaghetti will get cold!

Latte: Whatever, dinner now, dare later.

Tapioca: Yes! I love spaghetti!

_While the charming wayward group sits down to a delight_  
><em>ful meal and cheerful banter fills the air, you can not help but notice a figure laughing a little too heartily to himself. Also, is it just you, or is that pasta looking rather green?<em>

Kanaya: I Don't Believe I've Ever Had A Meal That Engaging

Rose: The linguine was especially charismatic wouldn't you agree Dave?

Tapioca: I'm not Dave...wait am I?

Latte: Are you?

Sollux: my...hand2...where are my hand2...

Nepeta: *ac...ac is f33line furry funny...inside her think-paw*

Gamzee: (o:

Terezi: DON'T WORRY GUYS 1'LL UNFR33Z3 YOU 4LL! MR. V4N1LL4 M1LKSH4K3 WON'T G3T 4W4Y W1TH TURN1NG YOU 1NTO POPS1CL3S! *promptly begins to lick everyone*

Jake: Gadzooks! Where in the devil are we? Though i suspected this might come to pass...*strikes dramatic pose*

Roxy: Suddenly I feel really normal. What the actual fuck.

Aradia: best

Equius: Really I can't 100k. It's just so obscene. *Covers eyes with a nearby towel.*

Aradia: c0rpse

Karkat: GET OFF ME SOLLUX I DON'T HAVE YOUR HANDS! *sobbing*

Aradia: party

Tavros: yOU, yOU KNOW WHAT? i THINK YOU ARE ALL DUMB HOOFBEAST BACKSIDES,, hAHA yEAH,, tHATS WHAT i WOULD SAY IF THEY WERE ALL HERE,

Aradia: EVER!

Tapioca: God my head hurts.

Latte: Who...who turned out the lights.

Gamzee: (o;

_Hours later the crew has boiled down and memory begins to flood in...for most people anyway._

Tapioca: mmgghg...gurgle...dares...gurgle...

Latte: asdfghjkl...wait dares...We have dares to finish!

Tapioca: Right...com'ere fishy boy. *Grabs Eridan by the cape and gives him a happy smooch. Also she drools disgustingly.*

Eridan: hands off the cape you landwweller! wwait wwhat are you-oh cod no, stop it i am orderin you!

Tapioca: Yeah, your turn. *passes him to Latte*

Latte: Wasn't there something else we had to...oh whatever. *Pecks the seadweller on the cheek and sets him down again.*

Eridan: don't do that again i am wwarnin' you now!

_The Authoresses have just enough time to bid you a woozy farewell before they pass out sending the fourth wall crashing down around you. _


End file.
